Book recommendations for parents of gifted children

It is not easy to find books that address the topic of giftedness directly and comprehensively. Nevertheless, there are many works that can be particularly exciting and helpful for parents of gifted children. I have read all of the books listed here myself, and they have helped me to better understand my children – and also myself. Of course, not every book is equally relevant for every situation or every reader. So: take what is useful for you, and simply set the rest aside.

For each book you will find a short description of why I recommend it. Where a German translation exists, I have given the German title; otherwise the English title is listed.

My tip: start with the book that appeals to you most or that fits what is currently on your mind.

If you would like to discuss one of the books together or recommend other works, feel free to get in touch with me - Jasna (jasnabronic@gmail.com).

Creativity

„FLOW und Kreativität: Wie Sie Ihre Grenzen überwinden und das Unmögliche schaffen" (English: “Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention”) by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

  • This book is about highly creative people (scientists, artists …) who either revolutionised their field or created entirely new ones. The author never explicitly calls them gifted, yet it is hard to imagine that they didn't have extraordinary talents in their respective fields.
  • Csíkszentmihályi spoke with hundreds of such people to find out what they have in common. Among other things, he examines the characteristics of creative people as well as their upbringing and education.
  • My favourite quote from the book is: “In fact, school left positive memories with none of them.” (Translated: “Tatsächlich hat die Schule bei keinem von ihnen positive Erinnerungen hinterlassen.”)

Emotional regulation

Both books argue that you can control your feelings better if you recognise and name them. A larger emotional vocabulary and knowledge of how feelings arise can help with this.

“Atlas of the Heart” by Brené Brown

  • The book explains which feelings exist and what distinguishes them from one another.
  • I had a big aha moment when I learned the difference between “sympathy” and “empathy” (even if most people use the words as synonyms).
  • The English audiobook is read by the author herself, and it is a pleasure to listen to her.

„Wie Gefühle entstehen: Eine neue Sicht auf unsere Emotionen" (English: “How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain”) by Lisa Feldman Barrett

  • The author explains what we have believed we know about emotions for 2000 years, the consequences of this way of thinking, and what the studies of the last 100 years say about it. In short: it is incredible that the way we view our feelings has not changed, despite all the evidence.
  • Knowing what emotions are not (an animalistic part of us that we have to subdue with the mind) has helped me to accept and manage my own emotions.

Rewards and punishments

“Punished by Rewards: Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Edition: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes” by Alfie Kohn

  • The book is about how rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin and why it is better not to use them. The author regards as rewards and punishments anything that can be described as manipulative. A “Well done!” that comes from the heart he does not see as a reward. But if you say the same thing only because you want the child to keep up the behaviour, then it is a reward.
  • Many examples of studies are described that show that rewards can indeed change behaviour in the short term, but destroy the child's intrinsic motivation in the long term.
  • Since my husband and I read the book, we no longer use any punishments or rewards at all. Instead, we talk more with our children about how we want to behave (and I thought talking even more would be impossible). As a result, we have less stress in our family life and it is easier for the children to admit things.

Learning and concentration

These books are about learning: which methods work, why that is so, and what we can do so that we and our children enjoy learning. And when learning itself is a pleasure, concentration follows.

„Das Zettelkasten-Prinzip: Erfolgreich wissenschaftlich Schreiben und Studieren mit effektiven Notizen" (English: “How to Take Smart Notes”) by Sönke Ahrens

  • The book sounds as if it were only about one specific note-taking method – the slip box (Zettelkasten). But that is not the case. Yes, the method is explained, but much more important is the explanation of why it works so well and which learning methods we use in schools that particularly frustrate gifted children, precisely because they are not effective.
  • Because of this book I can now explain why I resisted so much having to learn 20 new Latin words every week. It was of no use to me if I couldn't apply the knowledge in any way, and by the next week I would have forgotten the words anyway.

„Flow. Das Geheimnis des Glücks" (English: “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience”) by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

  • Flow, also called a creative rush, is a state of complete immersion in an activity. It occurs when you are so absorbed in what you are doing that you forget everything else and time flies by.
  • The author is the psychologist who identified, named and researched the concept. In the book he summarises all his knowledge in a very accessible way, gives great examples and explains what you can do to get into flow more often.

“The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer” by Steven Kotler

  • This book is almost like an extension of “Flow” (above). It builds on the ideas and takes new scientific findings into account.
  • Here I learned that a task that lies at roughly 104% of my abilities will be the most interesting for me. Now I try to combine simple tasks with a challenge so that they are more fun, and I break tasks that are too difficult down so that they end up at 104%.

Concentration and forgetfulness

In most cases where parents complain about concentration problems in their children, the issue is not that the child can't concentrate at all, but that it can't concentrate on what parents and teachers consider important.

In such cases it is advisable to look at the tips and tricks for children with ADHD (regardless of whether the child has, or is suspected of having, an ADHD diagnosis). The recommendations are generally easy to try out and, in the worst case, they simply don't work.

“Parenting ADHD Now!: Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD” by Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster

  • The book is written by two mothers who together have five children with ADHD. It is full of advice that worked with at least one of their children, and it explains why the children are the way they are, what you can and cannot expect from them. For example: a simple instruction like “Don't forget that tomorrow!” works much worse than setting an alarm together with the child.
  • My son could never sit next to me for long while we read a book. I interpreted that as boredom, even though he always denied it. Now I understand that his body needs the movement to stay attentive. I read the book aloud while he romps around the room or plays with toys. And when I ask him a question, he knows exactly what we read.

“How to ADHD: An Insider's Guide to Working with Your Brain” by Jessica McCabe

  • The author runs a YouTube channel “How to ADHD”, where she talks about her experiences with ADHD in collaboration with therapists. In the book she works through the topics she also covers in her videos in a structured way.
  • I have been following the YouTube channel for years because the author summarises complex topics so well. From her I learned not to feel excessively guilty every time I forget something. Instead, I now write everything down, and in a place where I will see it in time.

Autobiography

“I. Asimov: A Memoir” by Isaac Asimov

  • Among other things, the famous writer describes how his giftedness and his strongly developed sense of justice influenced his life.
  • I found his analyses fascinating: why he often felt like an outsider but was still able to make many friends, what he was afraid of, and how he arranged his life so that he could avoid certain things – such as flying.